Adventures in International Flying
Passport OCD
In a reversal of the seemingly lax passport scrutiny this spring in Portugal, I think we had our passports checked a dozen times coming home from Croatia. Most of this obsessive routine occurred at Frankfurt, where we had our passports reviewed as we got off the plane - in the jetway. And again after getting off the shuttle bus. And again entering the terminal. And again before lining up to board, and again at boarding. We managed to get coffee without needing to present a passport, but we did start taking them with us to the bathroom, just in case there was a checkpoint there too.
The Seat Stealers
What do you do when you are stuck in the economy seats that you booked, but there are open seats in “comfort” or business class? Well, you just make yourself comfortable because, hey, it’s an empty seat, right? And you’ll be the smart guy who gets to sit there for free. Or maybe not, because it’s Lufthansa and these Germans are not putting up with your shenanigans. While a few folks happily (or maybe unhappily) paid to upgrade to these available seats, several who refused were politely but firmly escorted back to their original seats. BUT there was, of course, THAT ONE GUY who kept trying. Three times he tried to sneak into a different seat, and three times got caught because duh, and three times he refused to pay, and three times he got removed. I mean, I think most people figured it out after one attempt? He argued with the first two attendants - both women - and they finally sent a male attendant to deal with him the third time. We started to think they would be turning the damn plane around to dump the guy. The attendants ended up putting stickers on the backs of all the seats that were legitimately occupied, they got tired of counting heads of the ticketed travelers. I think they should have just put a sticker on the guy.
The Ugly Americans
Please do NOT be these women, who sat directly in front of us. In addition to hacking coughs that sounded like they’d been smoking for 50 years - and maybe that was it, I’ll let you know if I’m sick in a few days! - these are the people you dread being around. They dropped something every hour - phones, water bottles, ipads, silverware, thunk, thunk, thunk. They rattled and rustled every possible thing, moved their seat backs constantly, could not figure out - loudly - how to perform the basics of plugging in earphones…and so on. They threw their trash in the empty seat across the aisle. They made the attendants list the food choices, questioned them like they were staff at a restaurant before making a choice, and argued about not being able to get the special meal that they didn’t order. Off the plane in Detroit, they complained about having to go through customs when pretty much anyone could just swim across a river and get into this country.
They wore patent leather sandals with fuzzy socks.
Medical Emergency #1
Two rows behind us, a gentleman was having what was perhaps an allergy issue? I am not sure. He spoke with a flight attendant, who brought him water and continued to check on him until at some point they paged for a doctor. They got 2 nurses and a doctor (people can be so awesome), and one of the nurses had a personal stash of benadryl that was deployed…hopefully he is OK, but that was quite a crowd behind us for a while.
Medical Emergency #2
This guy - who paid to upgrade his seat and sat directly behind me - was apparently running a fever high enough that staff was delivering cold compresses for the back of his neck. Was he wearing a mask? Heck no. He got looked at by the doctor after Allergy Guy got settled, not sure what - if anything - was administered, and he refused the suggestion to see a doctor when we landed. Hope he is OK too, but sheesh.
Kudos to the medical professionals who were on the plane, not realizing they would be called to action.
Assorted Crying Babies
These come standard on all flights.
In Flight Entertainment
As if all of the above wasn’t enough - Lufthansa offered some pretty awful music choices, and a series of whatever these movies are. I did not watch them. They seem to involve the misadventures of a small-town police officer, but not sure where the pig’s head “al dente” and the sauerkraut coma come into play. I’m sure it’s streaming somewhere!